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Friday, March 4, 2011

When I Grow Up


A ballerina.  That was my first choice.  I sat there and watched Swan Lake and decided that I, too, wanted to wear a fluffy costume and flit around.  It's the earliest thing I can remember wanting to be.  I was maybe 4 or 5, taking ballet.  I dug in my heels every time class time rolled around, but once I was dancing I loved it.  Not sure when the dream faded, but I've settled for dancing with my kids around the kitchen.

Then I watched 'Father of the Bride' and decided that I wanted to be a wedding planner.  Hel-lo, planning beautiful weddings for a living?  Flowers?  Cake?  Fancy dresses???  What could be better.  That dream lasted for a while, interrupted only by a short stint when I wanted to be a doctor--even when I started at BYU I went into Public Relations.  It was the closest thing to a party planning major I could find.  And then I planned my own wedding and changed my mind (I'll just play wedding planner to my little girls).  By then I had switched to Interior Design, following in the footsteps of my mother.  It also seemed to lead along in the party planning direction, but it was much more inspiring to examine textiles than it was to examine statistics.  A life in all things to "gladden the eye"?  My cup of tea.  {Of course, I wanted to be a mom, and not like a friend put it "Yes, I've thought that I wanted to take five years off and be a mom, too."  But for today's purposes, I'm not talking about the higher calling of a mother, but about a paying gig.} 

I landed in the perfect place for me.  After doing my time in the trenches, working for other designers, retail showrooms, what have you, I lived my dream of having my own interior design business.  I was my favorite boss ever.  I LOVED my clients, felt completely inspired in what I did, found enormous satisfaction from creating beautiful spaces that people loved to be in.  That I got paid was just an amazing bonus. It was a dream job. 

Now that I have four little ones that keep me hopping, it's not practical for me to work much.  Well, actually when people ask me if I work, I tell them I work very hard, I just don't collect a paycheck.  Of course I wouldn't change it for the world, and feel grateful every day for my home time.  But the crazy haired artist inside me still wonders what I'll be when I grow up.  I toss around ideas all the time (including being a missionary in a 3rd world country!  I know, me, who just now likes camping!).  The yearning to create and spread beauty cannot be squelched.

When J was in undergrad, he sat in an auditorium filled with business students.  The professor asked for a show of hands of those who were in business for the love of it.  Only a scant handful raised their hands (lucky for me, J was one).  The others, given no need for money, said they'd be a photographer, a gym teacher, a florist, etc.  How sad, I thought.  While there is only honor in honest labor, working at a job I hate sucks the life out of me until I wither and want to die.  And that's no way to live.  Why not chase after your passion?

Instead I dream of the little shop I'll have some day with handcrafted goodness and beautiful things to make your house a home.  Come visit me.  We'll share a cup of hot chocolate (when, finally, I'll be done nursing and can eat from my favorite food group again) and chat about life. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm busy currently raising a veterinarian, an astronaut, possibly a comedian, and (as far as I can tell) someone who just sits there looking extremely cute.

Tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up?

7 love notes:

Jamie and Lauren said...

A nurse. It is possible to chase your dream of doing something you love.

Aubrey said...

It's hard to imagine a time without babies and kids running around the house. But the experiences we've had with our oldest child have helped me find what I'm really interested in- medicine. If it was practical, I'd want to go back to school to be a doctor when the kids grow up, but since my health and age probably wouldn't permit that, I'll probably go back and be a nurse. If my trend of getting healthier with age keeps up, I may even try to be a nurse practitioner. And/or Mark and I will go serve missions and be cute grandparents. Have a great week!

jamie said...

fun to hear about your dreams! when i was in school, i was working toward being a neuropsychologist on a team to help rehabilitate people with head trauma (and to support their families). it's strange, though. my passion for that has sort of waned. i think that what i'd really love to do now is teach french at a high school and assistant coach the track team in my spare time.

Amy said...

Someone once asked me what I would be if I could be guaranteed of success. If that were the case, I would be either a writer or an actor. Or both, since we're dreaming.

Laura F said...

If we're dreaming? An artist, I think. Although I've got a pretty good gig going on already.

Leslie said...

I'm still trying to figure it out but whatever it is, I want to be skinny doing it.

Things' Mommy said...

Oh, I just LOVE finding out all this out!! How fun! You all are fabulous and I hope your dreams all come true!