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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The thing about lipstick


The thing about lipstick is that it's kind of essential for my face. Why? Because. I've got these lips that, for reasons unknown to me, are so terribly pale that if I don't wear lipstick, it looks like I haven't got any lips. Like I've just got a line for a mouth, like a muppet or something. If you've seen me without makeup (which of course you have if you've ever seen me outside of church), you've probably come away scratching your head trying to figure out what looked so funny. I'll tell you--it's because I appeared to be missing a mouth. That's why I love lipstick, and why I try to wear it semi-frequently.

It can be a little tricky, though. I can't wear anything too red, because then I look a teensy part hooker-ish and a teensy part like I've been playing in Mother's makeup. I also tried this plumping lip gloss once. Just for fun. It kind of stung/itched for a little bit, but after that I had these big, plump lips. Kind of fun, and a lot cheaper than Botox, I thought. Then J caught a glimpse of me, did a double take and stared at my mouth with a twisty, horrified expression. "What is WRONG with your mouth???" I started laughing; he kept staring, trying to make it go away. "I tried this plumping lip gloss," I explained through my giggles. "Ewwww. Please don't ever do that again!" he said, unable to rip his eyes away. "Kiss me!!" I said, as I puckered up and chased him out of the bathroom.

Chestnut colored lip liner from Estee Lauder is also crucial. It goes with everything and-- although it costs a small fortune--lasts forever. Estee Lauder also had my all time favorite lipstick. Can't remember the name--something about 'nude'--but it was the perfect shade. Like the unicorn of lipsticks. Perfect shade, perfect gloss. Dress it up or down, just like a little black dress. Then one of my children destroyed it, and when I went back for more, found that it had been discontinued. A sad, sad day in the cosmetic world. I've tried a ton of 'nude' lipsticks since then, which is why I have a drawerful of half-used nude lipsticks.

One time, in very much of a hurry, I dashed out the door with only lipliner on. When, halfway through my day of teaching preschool art, I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. It looked like I had just drawn lips on my face with a crayon. When I confronted J about it (clearly, his husbandly duties include telling me when my makeup looks like an illustration) he shrugged sheepishly and said, "I thought that's how you wanted it." I thought that's how you wanted it??? Another time, we were in his hometown going to his best friend's parent's Christmas party. We were driving over and I was having to apply makeup in the dark. Well, let me tell you what, it's not good when your lipliner and eyeliner are packaged the same way. I walked in to the party looking like this completely goth chick, dark brown eyeliner lining my lips. And again, no warning. Good times, good times...

J claims to like me better without makeup (less to get on his shirt and whatnot), but somehow I feel the need to prove to the world I've got lips. So tell me, what's your favorite shade? Or your favorite must-have cosmetic? Maybe I'll go try it.

10 love notes:

Amy said...

I don't know what my favorite shade is; I rarely wear lipstick because I have a good natural shade to my lips (try not to be jealous). But my cousin's wife would be mad if I didn't tell you about her line of mineral makeup. http://www.etsy.com/shop/petalx?page=1. Check it out. She has some really subtle shades that might work for you.

The Cook Fam said...

You are too funny! I wish I knew what to tell you but I have not ever used lipstick other than being on stage. I don't think I do well it. If you want to recommend something to me I'll take it though. :)

Joseph & Jessica said...

Melynie, you make me smile(-: You are such an amazing writer! I don't wear lipstick... it makes my lips look horrible! Plus, I am so short and look so young, that it REALLY looks like I have been playing with my mom's makeup! Hope you guys are doing great!

Jessica said...

I never wear lipstick, just gloss or chapstick. I like some shine! Sorry for the not helpful comment, but I still wanted to leave one :)

Besides lip products I LOVE eyeshadow. My favorite make-up item to play around with.

Sybrina said...

Can totally and COMPLETELY relate to the rule that husbands should inform us when our makeup or hair is out of order -especially when going out. I have a couple favorites of my own...but I'll have to grab them and share later ;)

Sybrina said...

I like Loreal lipsticks. So, my favorite shades are:

Nutmeg (may not be made anymore, not sure, but my old favorite).

Kerry's Rosewood (only for your glitzy glam look -it has a bit if sparkle in it)


Cashmere (just recently found this one! LOVE it!)

Leslie said...

I use such minute amounts of lipstick that when I go back to buy more, it too is discontinued. Sooo, my go-to daily dose is Burt's Bees lip gloss in the color Fig. I like that it's all natural and it has a bit of menthol in it so it makes my lips tingly. And well, suffice it to say, it's really the only action my lips have seen in a good long while. And, it's less than $5. So, it's the perfect "cheap thrill"!

dave&hannah said...

Girl I know exactly what you are talking about!!! Makeup essential for sure. And then when I kiss all those boys.. have to reapply. Talk about makeup disappearing!!! Ok, but seriously a story in line with what husbands duties are: I'm walking through the BOOKSTORE at SCHOOL checking out the textbooks and everything. Suddenly this girl behind me gets very close, you know when you can feel that "someone's watching me/in my bubble" feeling and whispers "your dress is tucked up." I was horrified!! Luckily I had on my backpack but HELLO!! DAVE?. Yeah, he was right there in the bookstore too.

Sarah Ringer said...

Okay seriously, this post made me laugh so hard I was crying mascara all over. I was trying to read it outloud to Nate (who crazy enough didn't quite catch the same humor in it as I did) and couldn't even make it through (imagine hard, shaking, silent laughter). That was awesome.

mandy said...

I was cracking up at J's line. I can totally hear Christian saying that--he's clueless about that kind of stuff! Another eerie similarity between our husbands--Christian says he prefers me without makeup, too. In fact, he says he likes me no makeup, in my glasses, with my hair curly (meaning not painstakingly straightened and then carefully curled again with a hot rollers). I wish I could agree.