Thursday, February 5, 2009

Since massive weight gain and stretch marks aren't enough

Nature opted to dole out crazy skin, swollen feet and bleeding gums to pregnant women too. But long after the contractions are forgotten, the most lasting of all these effects (for me) is this: insane hair. Other mommy friends of mine concur--about 3 to 4 months after giving birth (or "giving light", as is the sweet literal Spanish translation), all of my hair falls out. Fortunately, I have enough for about five people in the first place, so the natural thinning is first. Then comes the period where it is coming out in droves, like the hairs are having some sick contest to see who can flee my scalp the fastest. But, even annoying as it is, worse is the actual baldness I get--like a receding hairline on a guy. I have actual bald patches by my temples--if I pull my hair back in just the wrong type of ponytail my hairline is comical.

Still worse is the phase I am in now: growing back. The first time this happened, I was in the car with J, who mildly asked, "Um, did you try to cut bangs?" I flipped the mirror down and, to my horror, saw spiky little hairs surrounding my face. That's where I am now, except that the halo of spiky hair doesn't take me by surprise anymore. The unexpected part this time is that half of it is coming in white, which I am going to attribute to an unnamed second child of mine. There's nothing I can do. These are my mortifying options:

1--Try unsuccessfully to comb it back into the rest of my hair. It either refuses to lay down (think of the spiky tufts coming off my head like weird horns), or kind of makes it look 80's style wavy, almost feathered. That's just bad.

2--Do my makeup really crazy and try to pass it off as edgy, here in the birthplace of grunge. Except that the three kids and minivan give me away.

3--Just make a joke of it, and head butt people with my spikes, laughing the whole time.

I'll probably just ignore it, and hope that it goes away. Which it will. In about two years.

The worst part may be that I am not surrounded by friends and neighbors who already love me. I am meeting people for the first time. First impressions, people, first impressions. Like a horrific accident, they're not going to be able to rip their eyes from the 'freaky hair on that otherwise normal looking girl.'

So, to make myself feel better about the whole hair situation, I think I'll get it cut. What do you think?

8 love notes:

JustusFam said...

I vote for #2...Crazy make-up always works! HA!! Just make sure you post a picture! HE HE!!

Amy R said...

No, don't cut your hair! There are only a couple of us left--mommies with longish hair. I concur with Chris; you should go for something edgy. And just paint the minivan a bright purple with a silver lightning bolt across the side. And rename your kids-- Echo, Killer, and Legend. Your name could be Raven and Josh could be Plato. A whole new identity for your new life! You might have to make some changes to the house as well and your language could be a little "spicier."

Things' Mommy said...

Maybe you girls are right. I'll dig out the blue mascara that I wore in the 90's and get a nose ring (magnetic, of course). I could even get my van all pimped out--blue glow lights on the bottom, sub woofers (if that's how you spell it), and throw around a peace sign everywhere I go. Am I mixing up styles here?

You guys make me laugh out loud. I miss you!

Devin & Anisa said...

You guys are funny! I totally remember when you lost it with Riley and called me. I think I talked you through it and reminded you how I had gone through the same thing as well. I think these boys take everything from us and the end result is the crazy whited hair growth that we than try to disguise. Punked out works and I think it might have less regrets :) (Although I could totally see you with hairstyle #3)

My "5"ever Family said...

You are just what I needed today!!! I am sorry about all the side effects of post-pregnancy--just when you thought you might be in the clear... Anyway, where did you end up?? You are so delightful--no one will put a thought past your terrific personality!!!

Kelli Estes said...

LOL! Personally, I like the option of going edgy. :-)

As one of the new people you are meeting, I must tell you that I didn't notice your hair because I was probably worrying about my own. I tend to wake up, throw on sweats and pull my hair into a ponytail to take the 6-yr-old to school. I'm rarely looking my best there. Let's make a deal to not notice each others less-than-perfect hair (or makeup) days! Sound good? :-)

wendysue said...

Melynie, I was JUST thinking the same thing. I have all these little baby hairs about 3/4 inch long so I totally look like I have a tiny row of bangs, totally not the long bangs almost in your eyes that are the in thing these days!

mandy said...

I am laughing with you because I had the same thing with the hair loss and then endless wispies coming in with both my pregnancies, but I have to say I haven't noticed your spikes or white streaks AT ALL! Even while sitting right next to you today. In fact, I was thinking while sitting behind you in church on Sunday, "How does she make her ponytail look so stylish?" My ponytail screams, "I didn't wash my hair today!" Maybe a little blue mascara would help.