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Saturday, January 10, 2009

J and I are Living in Different Homes

Rest assured, he is as precious and essential to me as anything I could imagine. I adore him and love him with all my heart. But, the fact remains, we don't live in the same house.

Let me tell you about his house. He lives in a house that has a Laundry Fairy. Do you have one of those? Apparently they're very handy. From what I understand, if you are so fortunate to have a Laundry Fairy, all you have to do is toss your clothes in some basket. And wait. Soon, without you even doing anything or seeing anything, lavender-and-vanilla-smelling laundry appears, neatly folded, in your drawer. One time, there must have been a substitute fairy, though, because J commented that his regular fairy put his socks in a drawer, instead of leaving them in a pile on his dresser. I will say, his fairy does not do ironing, though. Apparently she hates ironing and thinks if he really wants it wrinkle-free he can do it himself. She can't do everything, for crying out loud.

I have no such fairy. If I leave my dirty clothes in the basket, they just sit there and stare at me.

He also has toilet paper fairy. The poor man, evidently, hasn't quite figured out the whole toilet paper replacement process, despite the master's degree that I just supported him through these last few years. Luckily for him, he doesn't have to worry about it. He can 1-leave it bare or 2-he can simply leave a roll of toilet paper sitting on the bathroom counter. She fixes it every time, bless her heart.

As for me, I have to change my own toilet paper rolls.

J also gets to sleep in a quiet house. How lucky is he?!? He goes to sleep at night, and then wakes up the next morning. It all sounds so simple...

I can't remember the last time I slept through the night. It's just not quiet in my house. I think something happened to my ears when I had kids.

There are a multitude of fairies that dwell in J's house. Did I mention that he also has a Teach Your Kids Manners Fairy, a Grocery Fairy that magically stocks his cupboards, a Dinner Fairy that cooks for him, and a Part-time Diaper Fairy, that just happens to do most of the dirty diapers?

It's all this and more that make me think he's a pretty lucky guy. Maybe I'll move to his house. Except that I've got a Lawn Mowing Fairy, a Pay the Bills Fairy, Listen to Me Rant Fairy, and a Drive in Bad Weather Fairy over at my place. Plus a magic bank account that grows money. I think I'll stay.

9 love notes:

Bryner Family said...

Best post ever. ;) What a great writer! I loved the last paragraph the best. :) We have it good, don't we?

Amy R said...

David has a similar fairy. She also does not iron. She often threatens to go on strike so the ingrates she works for will realize how much she does. The strike never lasts long before she can't take it anymore. It's always over before anyone else notices. Not much of an effective strike.

Laura F said...

Love it! I actually have a laundry fairy at my house, too. I know, jealous? It's awesome, and I can hardly begrudge the occasional dry clean only item coming through a little smaller and tighter. My fairy doesn't hold down another full-time job currently, though, and studies next to the washer and dryer, so it works. You're so creative!

We have another house to sell this spring... how am I going to get you down here to stage it for me?

Aubrey said...

Very cute! J is very lucky to have you! You make a great team!

Liam's Mom said...

You seriously were born to write and being that it's in blog form is awesome because it's a live feed of your thoughts [for me to eat up]!

Ian has the same list of fairies at his house. The diaper fairy does it all though... thank goodness she'll be retiring next week.

I like that my house has a the bill paying and lawn mowing fairy. I totally couldn't live without 'em.

JustusFam said...

I am so sad I missed you on your house selling trip! I have to tell you something...it might make you sad...the primary presidency was standing in the hall yesterday and I kept looking around...thought we were missing someone. THen i realized I was looking for you! Weird! I also had not been in my ward for 3 weeks so i was a bit out of sorts already but i thought it was odd. So now you can go through the rest of your day knowing you have not been forgotten in Missouri!

Hannah J said...

Oh Miss J. You are too much! I just love your creativity. Sounded exactly like a book!

Peterson Pack of Wild Dogs said...

This was such a great blog my luff. I am loving the magic bank account and how magically the money appears in it bi-weekly. The fairy thing is so true. It's funny how that fairy works. She must be a very busy fairy at that beacuse she visits our house radomly as well. Have a wonderful day and thansk for the good laugh.

Leslie said...

I have GOT to get me one of those bill paying fairies!