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Saturday, July 26, 2008

Grocery Shopping with Sam Sam


Okay, who wants to go grocery shopping with me??
I know, me neither, but I have an $8 off coupon that expires today.

No, you need to change.
Because we just can't wear swimsuits to the store.
We just can't.
Fine. But your shirt doesn't match.

Now, guys, when we get to the store, we can't use a race car cart--baby Red doesn't fit in one.
Because baby Red doesn't fit in it.
Because baby Red doesn't fit in it.
He just doesn't.

Um, I guess you can hang on the side, but you have to be REALLY careful and hang on tight.
Please don't throw your head back.
Just stand up straight. Seriously, you're going to get schmucked.
I'm not kidding, you're going to--
We'll put ice on it at home.

No, we don't need lettuce. Or that lettuce. Nope, not that one either.
Eggs, I do need eggs. Just one, just one.
Please put those eggs down.

CAREFULLY, son!

Okay, help me pick out some good bananas! Be soft, soft--oh, don't toss them, please!
No twist ties in our noses. Please.
Okay, I need four refrigerated cans of pizza dough. Can you please put them softly in the cart?
Oh, please stop dropping them on the eggs. Not the eggs.

SON. PLEASE. STOP. DROPPING. THEM. ON. THE. EGGS.

Then you'd better hurry up. We're going. Seriously. Okay, bye.

I can't believe that you can run and jump and grab onto a moving cart! That was hilarious. You should be a stunt man.

A stunt man.

It's a guy who--never mind. Forget it. Let's not give you any ideas.

Okay, bread is next.
No, that loaf of bread is $5. Let's get this one instead. Put it right there in the cart.
Please stop kicking the bread.

Hamburger. How does this one look? No, stop poking holes.
I know it's squishy. I know. It doesn't matter.

Almost done. Let's go.
Please stop shouting "It's a disaster!!"
What is that from? Ratatouille? Sheesh...

Can you help me load things onto the counter? No, this counter.
The lady needs them on this side, you don't have to walk around to give it to her.

Please stop yelling "It's a DISASTER!"

I'm not kidding.

Can you get buckled into your seat? Go ahead, get buckled in. No, you're not a big boy yet.
I know, yes, you're a big boy. Not big enough.
When you're fifteen.

Sammy, it's not a disaster.

Oh, shoot, I forgot to get that rain check...
Forget it....so not worth it...

13 love notes:

Aubrey said...

I love it!! Very funny! Have you thought about being a writer? It perfectly captured the shopping with kids experience. I hope you guys are doing well. We'll have to talk sometime. Love, Aubrey

Amy R said...

I know! I've always thought you're a great storyteller. As David has always told me-- our lives are only as exciting or boring as we make them sound. You always make yours sound interesting. Even a trip to the grocery store, which, by the way, I can't imagine making one of those anytime soon.

Karen said...

Have you been to the store with me? I swear I've lived that exact thing...every single week since my first child learned to talk.

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

Did I write this post? I can only tell I didn't because it was so well written and clever! So my life when in public and at the grocery store for sure!

You are so patient!

Nicole said...

VEry very true....awesome post!

RC said...

Nicely put! (Gina sent me over...)

Terry said...

That was so funny! Its so true. I try so hard to avoid taking kiddies with me to the grocery store but sometimes I've got to bring them with me. We've all been there!

I remember you and your hubby! Gina sent me over to your blog. We used to have those fun FHE's at your mother-in-law's house! I even remember how you told me that you worked for Land's End (I buy more clothes there than anywhere else... I love shopping from my couch with a laptop) and your hubby's mother thought you'd be perfect for her son. :) Its fun to see your blog. I'll check it out some more.

Katie said...

Gina referred me to this blog - so hilarious, and so true. I can just see it happening right before my eyes.

beth - total mom haircut said...

Well, I pretty much lost it when you hit the "It's a disaster" part. Hysterical. Over here from Gina's link. Very funny post and sadly, so very true...every. single. day.

Laura F said...

Okay, seriously, you nailed it! I could copy and paste this into my own blog, change a few names, and it would be our trips to the store! Thanks for writing this one, it's so nice to know when you're not the only one!

Corrine said...

i popped her from Gina's from a friend of mines, anyway great post, i so see the momment. Great capturing of the ever so not fun grocery trips.

Wright said...

I loved it!!!I can totally relate!

Alice Wills Gold said...

Well said. Came over from Gina....man, you so wrote this SO well...I almost started to feel myself tense up like I was there. :)